Sometimes I wish I could morn like most of the people that I know and actually feel sadness when someone leaves this human world just to be more socially acceptable. But I can’t and maybe that’s just me. I have a different view regarding what people call “death” and it’s not the first time I am writing about this.
About a week ago I went to bed at around 2 am, feeling like a zombie and in dire need of sleep. I woke up at 2:53, just less than an hour later, feeling like days have passed. I had one of the most vivid and lucid dreams I ever had, this time of grandma.
Quick update: my beloved grandma that raised me until I was 7 was ill in the past month or so. She was 90 years old and she started with a small foot problem that she’s been neglecting and ended up having many complications and was in and out of hospital all the time.
Now back to my dream. We were at her place, where I grew up. It’s the house of my beautiful childhood memories. She was laying on her couch with her leg bandaged but looking happy. I knew she was ill but she didn’t look like it, besides her leg. She had her hair and a bit of makeup done, just like in real life and she looked at me without saying anything and I had this feeling that she wanted to get better. I’ve said to her: ” You just have to believe that you are getting better.” She laughed happily and looked me deep in the eyes and said: “No, this is the end.” and I’ve replied “You still got things to do, you have to meet your great-granddaughter” (I’m expecting my first baby but more on that in another post). She smiled again and the love coming from her filled my heart. She didn’t say anything else besides “I’m glad.” Then I’ve proceeded to lift her up and place her in a better position and my last words were “You are so light…”
And then I woke up. I didn’t know if it was a dream or not but I knew she was next to me. I’ve spent the rest of the night staring into the darkness of the ceiling and wondering if she really left. It wasn’t an appropriate hour to call anyone to find out so I was left counting down the hours until the morning. I was feeling so grateful for seeing her in my dream, I knew that no matter what happened we’ve said our goodbye’s and we’ve made peace. Our relationship had a beautiful ending even if it was just in the dream land. That was good enough for me.
Days have passed and she was still hanging on to this world and after another trip to the hospital they sent her home saying there is nothing they can do. Yesterday morning, Saturday the 3rd my mom was calling me at 10 am. That’s too early for us usually so I knew what happened. I’ve picked up the phone and asked: “Who died?” (yeah I know, not a positive way to answer your phone lol). And then she told me grandma left.
Now how can I be sad? Yes, I am definitely going to miss her human side but her laugh that I heard and saw in my dream and her energy gave me comfort, I knew she chose to leave her body behind and go to a painless world and she seemed so happy and excited about it. I know many people would say “Oh, it’s just a dream” but I didn’t feel it like that. It was a real encounter for me, a real dialogue, a real laugh, a real touch, a real goodbye. I am happy for the decision she made if it was bringing her joy and relief. Her spirit is strong and she will go into the light to rest for as long as she needs to.
Meanwhile, while getting ready for the funeral of tomorrow, I know for sure that’s she’s always going to be next to me and we will be able to communicate. It only depends of my ability to “hear” what she will have to say.
Rest In Peace Grandma, have a beautiful way back home and thank you for visiting me in my dream. ❤️
Feel loved and spread love! ❤️