Surely not here and not right now because it feels like I’m far, far away and this is not happening. It feels like watching a movie. 

It’s a movie in which I was in the mountains less than 12 hours ago, enjoying a 11 day treatment-holiday with my mom that was supposed to be over on Thursday. 12 hours ago I was just gettting on my bike, just about to start the morning warm up that they had in plan for us when mom came through the door and said: “Alex, we have to leave.” I knew he died, Grandpa decided it was time. He has been in a care center for less than a year but I can’t say this was expected since he was pretty stable. The rest of the day is a blur, I knew many nice words were being said to us, many tears were cried and many prayers were said. Then it was a 5 hours long train journey and I’m back home. Home is where I don’t want to be right now. It was home for grandpa for so many years. I know he is happy where he is but I remember how much he struggled to stay alive the last time his condition became critical. I hope that this time he left in peace knowing that he fulfilled his mission for this lifetime. 

He was a human Angel and I couldn’t be more sure of it. I know love can make you say extreme things but looking back at his life I couldn’t come to any other conclusion.

He lived 93 happy years, I never even once saw him angry or upset because he always thought “It could always be worse and nothing is as bad as it seems”. He always kept a positive attitude even regarding the most tragic events that happened in our life. He always kept his sense of humor, even when we were sure that he was about to depart. He had his jokes and knew when to use them to lift everyone’s mood. He never complained and never argued with anyone. 

He loved his life and his career, he was a well known and respected doctor back in the day and he loved his job more than anything else. Even in the past years he used to tell me that he had dreams at night about his working days and I could feel his happiness. Even though his body was letting him down he still loved to give medical advice and diagnose anyone that wanted his opinion. He was always happy to help others, no mater the type of help they needed. He was naive as some would say, he thought that if he is trustworthy everyone else is and that has cost him a lot of trouble but he never changed his attitude. He had a power to forgive that I haven’t found in anyone else so far. I know it just by thinking of how much he forgave me for my past choices/mistakes. 

I’ve spent many years next to him, living with him and I can say that we either had so much in common regarding the way we treated life and people or that he had a huge influence, molding me into who I am today. 

Thank you Grandpa for making so many people laugh, for making all of us look at the bright side of eveything, for healing both physically and emotionally thousands more people. Thank you for bringing so much light into a world that surely needs it. 

Now enjoy your ride,rest, spread your wings and dance with the Angels! 

Meanwhile, some side of me is still not part of this and still not realizing what’s happening. And now I contemplate the way human body, mind and spirit works, what a great defense mechanisms it has, how it’s designed to protect us. I will slowly come back into reality and heal, as slow as my heart needs to. Until then, we have to take care of all the funeral arrangements which I never thought could be so complicated. No wonder my defense mechanism kicked in, even if I wanted to just sit and cry there is no time for that right now. 

Feel loved and spread love! ❤️

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