I had a nap this afternoon even though I’m not the type to enjoy naps. I like my sleep but not for a couple of hours only, especially at 6 pm. But today, while reading a bit about Sophia I could feel my soul needing a break. So I gave in and fell asleep. Got up after two hours frustrated for no specific reason. Had a nice tea, sang a bit and my phone started going crazy. Somehow, like these people decided to ruin my evening, a couple of friends started asking me what I’m up to in ways like “OMG it’s Saturday night? What you mean you got nothing planned? You are so old and boring, you are staying home.” I’ve answered politely to the first person that asked these questions but the second one was the exact last drop that filled my glass. I was having enough of this “it’s Saturday, you should party” and slammed my phone while turning it off. Goodbye technology and superficial social interaction, I’m off for a walk.
Dressed properly for a walk through the snow I’ve let my feet take me wherever I needed to be. Lucky for me, I had my friend over and even though she hates winter she decided to go out with me for a walk. She kind of saved my evening. We’ve strolled through tones of dirty snow like nothing could have bothered us, we’ve gazed at the moon (beautiful one by the way), the stars, we’ve played in snow like two kids and just relaxed. When I thought that there could be nothing better than this she reminded me of a tree that I’ve carved into a bit more than a year ago. Back then I used to live in a huge apartment that, by comparison, taught me who I’m not and what I don’t enjoy doing. Another story about my time there in some other post. Anyway, before moving out of there I’ve carved something on a tree there and we’ve decided to go look for it this evening.
Considering the amount of snow and the fact that it was dark we couldn’t find our tree. But still, we had fun acting like weirdos staring close up at trees and touching them while people were walking by and probably wondering what we were high on.
We gave up our search and decided to walk around the building I used to live in. And it hit me. I’ve moved out of there a year and a half ago and I couldn’t believe the feelings that place offered me. I did so many things there that I wouldn’t do now, it was so much fun back then, I’ve loved so badly in that flat, I’ve hurt twice as badly, I’ve had so many “friends” but still so lonely, I had so many things but felt empty on the inside. It was a place and time of my life of contrast. So much but still so little of everything. I did get to meet many wonderful people while staying there but I can honestly say it was the craziest bit in my life. I don’t regret anything. I’m thankful for having that time in my life because it made me who I am today.
Tonight I’ve got to feel again how much I’ve grown in this year and a half and how much I’ve learnt. I don’t have words to describe how bless I’ve felt standing outside the building, looking around like “I won! You didn’t bring me down! I’ve experienced complete freedom here and finally found myself!” I needed the time spent in that flat to experience everything that life has to offer, all the choices that I could make, all the mistakes I could do, all the bad things. And…just wow! If I wouldn’t have my own experience maybe I would still believe that people don’t change. But honestly…it can happen in a blink of an eye.
What a night, ah? What could I say more besides the fact that I should probably thank the people that annoyed me with there “it’s Saturday” nonsense. Without them I wouldn’t have gotten out for a walk and maybe this realization of who I now am compared to who I was two years ago wouldn’t have been so strong.
Feel loved and spread love! ❤