Now this thing is getting ridiculous!!!
I was writing about this person that reappeared in my life in this post and how things were going in this one. I will simply name this one “Person number 3” (you’ll understand why later on, as you read). Obviously it wasn’t a relationship that would have brought me much joy since, although we had many things in common, arrogance would have killed it. Yes, we’ve talked for hours but still…there was something that wasn’t right. I was feeling like I was supposed to “raise” this person and by that I mean sharing a bit of my wisdom regarding life, relationships, goals etc. It was so draining since I’m still busy raising myself and letting the wisdom come to me so, last night, at the end of my nerves after a few messages that we’ve exchanged I felt again that something broke and there is no way to put it back. It felt to me like a lost cause, like there is no way for me to shed any light onto a person so stubborn, arrogant and narcissistic. I was trying my best not to judge and the conclusion I got to was that Person number 3 was not ready yet for what I had to offer. That’s what made me decide to end any type of contact and make things clear. I’ve tried using the nicest words I knew and pretty much said that I don’t like people that get upset when someone says “no” to them and that I can’t deal with childish games because I am over that. If you think/fell something just say it in my face instead of playing pride games. Person number 3 was surprisingly calm and obviously didn’t want me to know that my message was annoying so I got a simple reply like “I am sorry I can’t be as high as your standards and I’m sorry I’ve got myself into this situation with you.”
Ok, cool, “Job well done” I thought to myself. Went to bed last night, asked for Divine help to cut the energy cords between the two of us and tried clearing my chakras.
Today I get a message from my sister (that I also don’t have much contact with-will explain why in another post) and she was saying she had someone that was looking for me for a couple of years. I swear I’ve never rolled my eyes so badly and never felt like throwing my phone away and giving up technology. I didn’t even bother asking why or how that person knew that she is my sister and I’ve just told her to pass my number on. So this will be Person number 4.
I’ve slowly got to realize that the patience lesson that is offered to me didn’t have to do just with Person number 3, as I thought in the beginning. It’s a process of karma cleansing and I’ve spoke about it before in this post. I have been praying to get some help to get it completely clean but I never imagined this would be a part of it, having so many people from my past looking for me for ages. Thinking back I can imagine the next few years being full of people that I already know coming in and out of my life just to make things clear. There are so many that I had things to say to, years ago. So, so many people and I accept this process as being part of my own growth. I’ve asked for it so I’m getting it.
There are some bits still unclear to me like this one for example: a couple of weeks ago I had a few dreams about this girl that used to be my colleague in school. I thought it’s strange since I didn’t think of her or anything. We haven’t spoken for 12 years and we were never close, quite the opposite. The same week, after having my dreams, I saw her in a shop: I was going down the escalator and she was going up, all cuddled up in her boyfriend’s arms. I immediately knew this was my chance, the dream was just an alarm and I knew I had to go talk to her. But…I somehow didn’t. She didn’t look at me and it felt awkward running down the stairs and then back up to say hi. I am sure she would have thought there is something wrong with me, especially because we never got along well. Well…what can I do? Besides caring less what the other person would imagine and praying to get another chance to make things right. I’m not missing the next chance!
Can you see now why this is so ridiculous? It’s the same pattern all over again. Exactly the next day (literally) that I release a person and set things clear there comes another one. It amazes me how it only takes one single day each time. At first I’ve tried to use logic and imagine it’s a coincidence but, considering I’m at Person number 4 logic has been excluded from my judgment for now. I already knew there is no coincidence in the universe but it’s so easy to fool ourselves sometimes.
I have a feeling that it might take 100-200 more posts about patience learning but it’s becoming more fun once I’ve stopped taking it so personal. I now see this as a natural process of personal evolution so there is no point for me feeling hurt by what someone can say or enraged by what they do, think or feel. That’s why they are back, to teach me patience, each of them in their own way.
Feel loved and spread love! ❤️